“We cling to this identity, this thought of ‘me’ and yet our freedom depends on letting it go.” Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche.
Did it ever occur to you that it was you who set up this whole thing? That you are the mastermind behind this lifetime of experience? That you chose to incarnate and created this whole reality?
I used to hate when my spiritual friends would talk like that. I had a really hard life. Why would I ever choose to go through that? Like many survivors, I already blamed myself for the bad things that happened. For years, I refuted the teachings that said we chose our parents. In order to heal psychologically and emotionally, I needed to see my childhood innocence as real and hold others accountable for their actions.
Today, feeling resolved about my history, I revisit these spiritual questions with curiosity. I have a good life. I’m happy. I’m healthy. I have loving relationships, a great job, and I enjoy myself. I’ve worked hard to establish myself as a self with an acceptable and respectable identity. However, despite this psychological achievement, there exists an even deeper yearning that goes beyond the creation of a better dream with ease and comfort. While all of those things are good and worth having, I can’t deny a deeper longing to be free. It occurred to me recently that until I realize the truth, the big truth, the ultimate truth of who I am, I’m going to continue to set up situations to challenge my concepts of self clinging. It is clear to me now that no one else is orchestrating this unfolding. Whatever happens from this point on, I guess you could say, I asked for it since I became interested in waking up.
“Our wakeful self is always shaking us up and turning on the lights…it provokes, arouses, prods, and instigates until we’re inspired to take action.”
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